This is a picture from the weekend Peter and I spent in Seoul. We met up with Cheol (on the very left), his brother (on the very right), and his brother’s friend to watch the Korea world cup game (and it was pouring rain).
This week provided me with a window into the mind of Koreans. Up until now I was under the impression that yea, maybe had some different customs but that essentially we all thought the same way. I knew there were some differences, like the way disabled people are swept under the rug or homosexuality was not accepted but we encounter that in the US regularly to some extent, or at least I am aware of that line of thinking. I was so surprised at three instances this week in which Koreans left political correctness at the door and just said it like it is.
First was Cheol. Bob, Peter, Danielle, Cheol and I were sitting around. Bob was talking about Mike going to the gym and Cheol said, Mike needs to go to the gym. He needs to burn off his fat. He needs to burn some calories to get into shape, he is too fat. The four of us were just silent, jaws semi-dropped. Danielle then asked “you said that to him?!” and Cheol replied “yes, he needs to know. I am helping him” completely serious, like he had just done something really nice for Mike. We continued on saying , “you cant say that! That is mean.” But he insisted, saying how it wasn’t mean, that he was helping him. We were all so surprised. However in retrospect Cheol also told Danielle that she had gotten bigger compared to when she first got here (which isn’t true by the way) right before going into a bathhouse. But then it seemed like a joke, whereas this time he sincerely was trying to help Mike. Another instance of this was when Mr. Kim walked up to the office manager and told her she had a big pimple on her face. She just looked down when she told him and when Danielle asked him about it he too explained how he was helping her.
At first I was just so surprised that my knee jerk reaction was how do they not have emotions, I mean do they think that the other person doesn’t know already? But I find it sort of refreshing now. They just speak the truth instead of cluttering it up with formalities. And if that is the norm then maybe hearing someone say a comment along those lines wouldn’t be as hurtful as it may sound to us Americans. No beating around the bush, straight to the point. I like that. Another aspect of this is that it seems Koreans wear their emotions on their sleeves. They don’t put on happy faces to make everyone around them happy; if they are angry, upset, sad you know it.
This week was the final stages of my semi-puma robot project. I was writing the code for it and no matter what I did I could not get control of one of my three servo motors. I had spent hours trying to fix it but finally asked Inho and he straight up told me not to bother him with little problems and that he has been reading other people’s code a lot and it is takes a lot of time for anyone besides the writer to understand what is going on and that he was not my teacher. Of course it was really hard to hear this but the fact he just told me and his actions and facial expressions clearly matched what he was saying made me really appreciate what he was saying. He was totally right and he was not going out of his way to soften the blow.
I have welcomed this sharp contrast but I think that is due to my personality. I would much rather here how I am failing right to my face than have it sugar coated and watered down. I have a feeling this won’t catch on in the US. I don’t think enough people share my enthusiasm for bluntness; everything is about positive reinforcement but sometimes people just need to hear they are wrong. It makes the compliments that much more momentous. I know when Cheol said I was a fast learner or when Inho says good job that they truly mean it.
Sometimes we flirt with heartbreak when we ask the guys how we look to Koreans or if we are too big compared to the Korean girls but that is part of the fun (cheol says that Danielle and I are not too big and that we are a good size, so whew dodged a bullet there). I will miss this honest society but maybe I will spare those who surround me from bringing back this part of the culture, well anymore than I already do
: ).
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